Updated January 9th, 2025

Let’s cut to the chase. Being a new leader and managing a team of your former peers and friends can be awkward. You’re probably thinking: How will I manage those I partied with or complained about our previous boss?

On one side, there’s that bond you cherish and want to keep building; on the other, there’s a responsibility to step up, do your best as a leader, and accomplish what’s expected of you.

If you’re in this pickle and don’t know what to do, keep on reading because in this blog post, we’ll dive deep into this subject and talk about:

• How to transition from peer to manager – the step-by-step process you gotta follow.
• Managing unexpected emotions, such as jealousy, rivalry, and insubordination (yes, this sometimes happens!).
• I’ll provide a situational guide with the most common scenarios that happen to most managers and what to do in each example.

Alright, my new manager. First things first. Snag my five-pillar framework to become an effective leader with a high-performing team here! This will set you up for success as you build your team into a well-oiled machine.

Transition From Peer to Manager – How to Manage Former Peers

I’m not going to lie to you; the transition from peer to manager is a tough one. But I firmly believe you’re in that role for a reason. Your managers chose you because they know you have the potential to lead this team and accomplish your results. So, I want you to address this -let’s call it a challenge– from a new perspective.

Think of it as an opportunity rather than a problem. Instead of thinking, “How am I going to deal with this?” think, “What am I going to do to make this transition smoother?” This way, you’ll address it from a more practical and strategic mindset.

Now that we’re speaking of action points, I want to give you a four-step process for transitioning from peer to manager and managing your former peers.

1. Address the ‘elephant in the room’
2. Address concerns and focus on solutions
3. Set firm expectations and boundaries
4. Establish your credibility

Let’s get to it!

1. Address the ‘Elephant in the Room’

I think all human beings at any given moment have gotten themselves in a situation where they say, ‘awkward.’

via GIPHY

Well, this is one of them.

So, I want you to address the elephant in the room and have an open and honest conversation, especially if there’s a hurt feeling in the team or a misguided understanding of the expectations. As with everything, I encourage you to plan this conversation. Think of a goal you want to achieve and what you would like the meeting to look like. Try to think of ways that could make your peer feel more comfortable and open with you. And finally, ask for feedback. Make sure your peers have the same understanding as you.

Even though this is a weird scenario, I encourage you to have this conversation in person rather than via video camera or email because it will provide a great start in your leadership journey.

2. Address the Concerns and Focus on the Solutions.

In this same conversation, or one of your first one-on-ones with your team, ask them what their main concerns are in you managing this team. Even though it’s a tricky question to ask, allowing them to respond will provide you with the current picture of where you’re at and let you know what you should do moving forward.

Try this: Detach yourself from the question and think they’re talking about someone else. This will allow you to be objective and think of solutions to address these concerns.

So, for example, if they say: Their main concern is your lack of preparation to keep up the current results or improve them for the team, here’s what to do:

1. Create an action plan. List all the actions you need to take to remove that concern and give your team the confidence that even though you don’t have all the answers, you have everything it takes to lead this team to success.
2. Try not to take it personally. This is the part where you’ll need a lot of emotional intelligence, which will set you apart as a life-changing leader.
3. Think about what you can do to change this belief. What concrete actions can get you closer to debunking that belief?

3. Set Firm Expectations and Boundaries

In previous posts, we’ve discussed thoroughly setting expectations and communicating clearly, transparently, and understood. To learn more about this topic, click here for the complete guide.

Now, when it comes to setting boundaries with employees, I don’t mean closing the door of your office because, first, that would be mean, and second, it would promote the opposite culture feeling we’re trying to build. Setting boundaries means drawing the line between what’s acceptable and not for you and your team. And what’s most important is leaving them with a clear understanding of the consequences of surpassing these limits.

These conversations are not easy because, as always, there will be someone who does not agree with them. So try to express that every initiative is intended solely to provide value to the team and achieve each of your joint goals.

4. Establish Your Credibility

The only way you’ll gain respect from your former peers as their new manager is to be consistent with your actions and speak up when things go differently than expected. Think of this transition as similar to starting a new workout. In the beginning, you’ll probably be sore, and there will be some pain points you’ll have to deal with to accomplish your goals. But, if you keep on going with this initial plan and persevere, you’ll become stronger and able to tackle any other challenge that comes your way.

Consistency will help you stay true to your values and principles and set up your way and image as a team leader.

via GIPHY

Managing Unexpected Emotions

In this process of managing your peers and transitioning from peer to manager, you may encounter people who are unhappy, jealous, and insubordinate about your new role. And here’s what I’d recommend you to do:

• Keep people accountable for their actions. Your whole focus should be on getting people responsible for their behavior and taking the necessary action if things don’t progress as expected.

• Acknowledge and address the feeling in a one-on-one meeting with the person feeling this way. Being empathic about their feelings will gain this person’s respect, eliminate potential awkwardness, and open the room for tougher conversations in the future.

• Find a common point with this person and work your way up. So, for example, if your peer wanted your role, jealousy might happen because you got it instead of them. You could take that as a strength and say things like, “Here’s how we can work together in achieving this goal; you have these strengths that are necessary to the team and will support me in this particular action.” Empowering your peers will motivate them, and you can change the emotion to a positive one.

• Think of solutions objectively. When dealing with a cocktail of emotions, I suggest detaching yourself from the situation and thinking of ways for both of you to solve this problem. Your focus should be only on the solution and how to move things from where you are. Of course, this involves constant communication, feedback, and an open mindset to get to the point you want.

Situational Guide

If you’ve reached this point, congratulations! You’re one step closer to moving away from the awkwardness and remembering it as another challenge you overcame as a leader.

One thing I want you to remember is that you’re not alone. Every manager has been in this situation at some point, and it’s awkward, but you can overcome it by taking the proper actions to move forward.

Read through this situation guide and learn how you can manage it to your favor:

Situation	How to Handle it
Relationship changes: Your relationships with former peers may change. Some may feel awkward around you, while others might test boundaries.	Clear communication and setting clear boundaries.
Dealing with resentment: Some peers may feel jealous or question why you got the role instead of them.	Address the feeling and focus on team growth.
Balancing authority and friendship: Your friends on the team may expect special treatment, or you might find it challenging to hold them accountable.	Treat everyone with respect, avoid any special treatment and stay consistent with your actions.
Giving feedback: No matter if it’s good or bad, providing feedback to your former peers can feel a bit uncomfortable.	Focus on behaviors and results rather than personal traits.
Team Management: Some of the people may be skeptical of your leadership skills.	Deliver on your promises and let your actions speak louder than words.

Do you feel related to any of these situations? If so, comment below with the concrete action point you’ll practice moving forward.

I hope this information inspires you to start making changes to become the leader you’re meant to be. Pin this article here and save it so you can return to it whenever you need it.